college, but faster

it's occurred to me throughout this process of moving out and coming back for breaks that i have a case of mistaken identity. not that i've been mistaken for someone else, but that i've defined myself and found myself in places which are temporary. i find most of my identity in my friends. in who i know and how i know them. how long i've known them. what i do for them, what they do for me. how deep our friendship goes. what they know about me. and that's led to a lot of disorientation as i've moved back and forth between home and university. my church friends aren't the same any more. i don't fit with them, even though i want to. when i walk up to their groups now i'm left out and not let into the circle--i don't belong. i don't think they mean it, but it hurts all the same. i don't fit into the college group at church either, because all those kids go to the local colleges and all know each other. i'm something different--too...

this is one thing i didn't expect to happen when i moved out. at my church i was really involved in my youth group, which included kids from grades 6-12. so i was always around younger kids. i also loved to volunteer in events for kids, like VBS and camps. being around kids--not necessarily young children, just kids--is something i really miss now. at my church here in boone, i'm involved in the college ministry. but these kids are all my peers. if anything, i'm the young one of the group. relying on other people for rides has left me in a situation where i can't easily volunteer with kids. and when i'm home at my dorm, i'm around my peers still. i miss the kids! i miss being around middle schoolers and elementary schoolers. there's not as many opportunities to do that while i'm here. being around older generations is a little easier--a lot of adults are present in the college ministry at church, and there's always professors around me. i guess...