non-fluorescent lights: like seriously. everything here is fluorescent. i hate it. it's unnatural. i love when the sun comes up and it shines through our window just because it's nice and warm light instead of this disgusting white-yellow hybrid light. actually hot water: it's never hot enough for me in the dorm bathrooms. i want to enter the shower a human being and leave a skeleton because the water has burned the flesh off my bones. (i might have some unrealistic expectations for water temperature…) the option of family: this sounds weird, but let me explain: here, if i want to be social, i go outside to the common area, where the kids on my floor hang out. but none of them really know me, and i don't feel like i fit in very well. at home, if i wanted to get away from homework, i'd just go downstairs to the living room and sit with my family, people i really feel comfortable with. and i miss that option. just good, home-cooked food: see, you'd think...
14:13 - i'm going to try and spend the afternoon writing and / or researching 15:41 - i wrote about 2.5 pages of complete garbage, but i did write it, so there's that. my goal this week is to finish up the mumbo jumbo section so that i can edit it and spend weeks 5-8 editing and writing my intros and conclusions.
it's occurred to me throughout this process of moving out and coming back for breaks that i have a case of mistaken identity. not that i've been mistaken for someone else, but that i've defined myself and found myself in places which are temporary. i find most of my identity in my friends. in who i know and how i know them. how long i've known them. what i do for them, what they do for me. how deep our friendship goes. what they know about me. and that's led to a lot of disorientation as i've moved back and forth between home and university. my church friends aren't the same any more. i don't fit with them, even though i want to. when i walk up to their groups now i'm left out and not let into the circle--i don't belong. i don't think they mean it, but it hurts all the same. i don't fit into the college group at church either, because all those kids go to the local colleges and all know each other. i'm something different--too...
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