the one about friends

to be completely honest: i decided to write this so i could avoid studying spanish. please save me from my incompetence at foreign languages. the other day i used the french word for 'eat'--during spanish class. i'm a disaster.

one thing nobody tells you about accelerated university is how different your friend situation will be. 

since i already did my gen-eds, i'm a junior by credit status. but all my fellow 18 year olds--all my 'friends,' the kids on my floor--they're just getting started. this means that i have far less time than they do, having to study constantly. i have an overwhelming amount of reading and, to be honest, not much homework. but i'm always working, and the kids my age seem to have a lot more fun than i do, simply because they have more time to have fun. they're more free, more wild. they stay up later and wake up later.

i'm a first year, so i live in a dorm. i don't mind it. but my roommate has the time and class schedule to stay up till 3 am every night, while the best i can do is 1 am because i know i'll have to get up the next day to do more work. there's a lot more socialization between the kids my age, and i miss out on a lot of that since i'm busier than they are. and since my roommate's [sleep] schedule is different than mine, we don't see each other often, and i miss out on what could be a really good and deeper friendship.

also, the kids who are on my level education-wise have a lot more life under their belt than i do. i'm living in a communal space where thursdays are for smoking weed and saturdays are for getting drunk. the 20 year olds who i'm in class with are living in apartments, working, and staying in or going out with friends on the weekends. they have cars, too, so they can go places, while i'm crippled in that aspect. they really seem to have a lot more of their lives together, with that maturity and different phase of life due to age.

i'm also working 9 hours a week--not much, but more than most of the kids my age (whose parents are paying for all their college). so again, that's less time for me to spend socializing.

overall, it's difficult for me to connect with the 18 year olds as well as the 20 year olds. the 18 year olds are too free, too uncaring. the 20 year olds are, well, old. and they're just in a different phase of life than me.

so even though being ahead in school is nice, it messes with your friend circumstances. i feel isolated, alone, unable to truly relate to anyone. and that's not a feeling i can easily fix.

--c.