the one about friends back home

i knew it was going to be hard to keep up with the people from home. but being away from your friends just hits different and you really have to experience it firsthand to understand.

i'm a gen-z kid--i'm used to having friendships that exist primarily online. but i'm terrified i'm going to lose those relationships with the people back home. they're the people i've known the longest, they're the ones that know me the best. i have trouble opening up to new people (thanks, broken-friendship-induced trust issues), so i want to keep up with the people i've already spilled my heart to. and it's hard. it's hard when they're mostly seniors in high school, or still in high school, or whatever, and our schedules don't line up because we're both very busy. it's hard when i'm 2.5 hours away from them.

i miss a lot of people.

it's really hard to keep up all these relationships. and, for me, it's so hard to view this place as permanent when i'm not sure how long i'll be here. it feels so transient. the threat of transferring or taking a year off constantly hangs over my head and i have no motivation to make good friends and invest in very deep relationships.

i wish i could have brought them all with me. so that they could do all this with me.

but i know that life changes, and things wouldn't go like that. they'd probably remake themselves just like me, and we'd drift apart.

but wow, i miss them.

--c.

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